The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
