ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
