the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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