I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
