I'm jealous of your bromance
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
