It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
