I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
