Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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