I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
