I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
