he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
