you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
