Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
