Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm going to jail i love you
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
