Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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