He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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