Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can't put those talents on a resume
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's shark week go big or go home
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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