i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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