Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
