im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Randomize
