She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
