nut hugger
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
