I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Ladies don't puke and tell
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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