So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
don't judge my taste in strippers
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
