I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Randomize
