I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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