He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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