I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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