i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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