I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
