I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
