Kiss
Puke
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
either way he was missing a nipple.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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