Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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