Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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