Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
