Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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