I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
