if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
