btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
