YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
