Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
