i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
