Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
