he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
