I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
