I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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