she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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