My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
