i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
