I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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