so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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