I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
