you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
