I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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