Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
