I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
