She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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