I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
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My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
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Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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