Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
