i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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