Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
