I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
