he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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