i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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