so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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