oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
