I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
