Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
