I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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