I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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