i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
