You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
